I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
