I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
