they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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