I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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