there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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