She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
