I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
