Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
