why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
