I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
