I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
