Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize