does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
