I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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