dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
