Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
