Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
