It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
