Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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