I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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