I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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