Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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