dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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