I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
vagina is talking i cant
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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