There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize