In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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