What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
