shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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