Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
