Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
