so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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