drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
