Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
