Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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