My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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