I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
