do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
