My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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