Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
