are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
