Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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