Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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