a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize