you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize