Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
