I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
MIDGETS
????
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
