I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize