I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
