I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
