trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
