The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
