why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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