You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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