he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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