I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
