i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
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