i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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