And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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