Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
