Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
