sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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