im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i black out too much to be "responsible"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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