So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
