i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
