I need help removing her.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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